Here's an update pieced together from Twitter posts Wheresthecup and other sources.
Stanley's most recent adventure brought him to Chicago hotspot Underground, having been seen entering the building around 8 pm eastern time, and re-emerging in the wee hours of the morning. He was photographed carrying a passed-out Jonathan Toews who had slipped ito a coma most likely due to his consumption of 30 thousand litres of Fireball. Also observed was Patrick Kane sound asleep in a baby stroller pushed by Blackhawks vet John Madden. When asked about his chaperoning duties, John simply shrugged and replied "Coach Q put me on the first shift." Everyone is now wating on further information regarding the whereabouts of one Chris Pronger. Apparently a tall angry man was spotted prowling around the darkened back entrance of Underground, wielding a bloody hockey stick and muttering quietly "Lets go Fly-ers, let's go Fly-ers".
In other news, police are looking for a white male approximately 6'6 with blonde hair who is a suspect in the overnight slaying of NHL referee Bill McCreary.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
What's a "Versteeg"? and other ponderings..
I don't know about the rest of you, but I have some things I need to square up regarding this season.
What is a "Versteeg"? And where can I get one?
How do the letters T-O-E-W-S spell "Tayvz"? Why are the Blackhawk's names so misleading?
Does Dustin Byfuglien really wear his hat like Vanilla Ice or is it just a coincidence?
Did Marion Hossa finally with the Cup or am I cracked out on meth again?
Why did Mike Richards refuse to participate in the Finals? Was it because his soul was eaten previously by Zdeno Chara during round 3?
What happens to the playoff beards now? Is there a use for them or were they all just a waste of bodily resources?
What sound does Carcillo make while raising the Stanley Cup? (trick question since nobody will ever hear it)
Why is Jeremy Roenick crying?
Please, if anyone has answers, I'd love to hear them
What is a "Versteeg"? And where can I get one?
How do the letters T-O-E-W-S spell "Tayvz"? Why are the Blackhawk's names so misleading?
Does Dustin Byfuglien really wear his hat like Vanilla Ice or is it just a coincidence?
Did Marion Hossa finally with the Cup or am I cracked out on meth again?
Why did Mike Richards refuse to participate in the Finals? Was it because his soul was eaten previously by Zdeno Chara during round 3?
What happens to the playoff beards now? Is there a use for them or were they all just a waste of bodily resources?
What sound does Carcillo make while raising the Stanley Cup? (trick question since nobody will ever hear it)
Why is Jeremy Roenick crying?
Please, if anyone has answers, I'd love to hear them
Media that you never got the chance to see
It's understood that when you add up all the interviews done over a series, there are always clips that end up on the cutting room floor. Inevitably, some precious snippets will get left behind. I have the exclusive rights to share some of them with you - remember, you read it here first.
1) BHTV failed to air a clip of Patrick Sharp's basset hound barking in time (and in tune) with Chelsea Dagger's now (in)famous goal song. Sources have now confirmed that "Shooter" just signed a multi-million dollar contract to become the new lead singer in the group to replace the previous dude who killed himself last night. Reports say he may have been a Philedalphia Flyers fan. It's hard to tell, though he was last seen wearing a Pronger jersey soaked in tears and gasoline.
2)Kris Versteeg belting out the lyrics to Celine Dion's "I will always love you" as he serenaded Dustin Byfuglien in the locker-room after party. There may have been alcohol involved.
3)Jonathan Toews revalidates his good behavior on air by not only avoiding the F-word, but also keeping his comments about the competition PG. One camera captured his thoughts best,"Mr Pronger is a great ambassador of the sport and not at all the complete douchebag his actions and words make people believe" Bizarrely, Toews was also seen mouthing the words "Seabrook says you're next" directly into the camera. Huh.
4)Joe Quenneville brushes his moustache before an interview and out falls the puck from Game 4, ("Chrissy Pronger is a meanie")one of Patrick Kane's mouthguards ("He likes them kept warm, like his pre-nap glass of milk")and 4 of Duncan Keith's missing teeth ("I figured he didn't need them on account of he's getting a fresh set of dentures, so I'm making them into a necklace for the wife.")
5)Patrick Kane grabbing fistfulls of specially-minted 20-cent coins and flinging them into the air squeeling "KEEP THE CHANGE, EVERYBODY CAN JUST KEEP THE CHANGE!!"
6)Duncan Teeth, er I mean, Keith's emotional speech in the locker room during the second intermission, "Ok guyth, it goeth like thith. I thoot the puck to Tharpie and then Tharpie patheth it to Kaner. Kaner pullth a Thidney Crothby and we all run around looking like idioths, but really we're tho money they didn't even know it".
7) Jonathan Toews shares his foolproof method for telling the Sedin twins apart. "Wave Dave Bolland in front of them and wait to see which one's heads explodes. That one's Daniel." (Was Daniel)
1) BHTV failed to air a clip of Patrick Sharp's basset hound barking in time (and in tune) with Chelsea Dagger's now (in)famous goal song. Sources have now confirmed that "Shooter" just signed a multi-million dollar contract to become the new lead singer in the group to replace the previous dude who killed himself last night. Reports say he may have been a Philedalphia Flyers fan. It's hard to tell, though he was last seen wearing a Pronger jersey soaked in tears and gasoline.
2)Kris Versteeg belting out the lyrics to Celine Dion's "I will always love you" as he serenaded Dustin Byfuglien in the locker-room after party. There may have been alcohol involved.
3)Jonathan Toews revalidates his good behavior on air by not only avoiding the F-word, but also keeping his comments about the competition PG. One camera captured his thoughts best,"Mr Pronger is a great ambassador of the sport and not at all the complete douchebag his actions and words make people believe" Bizarrely, Toews was also seen mouthing the words "Seabrook says you're next" directly into the camera. Huh.
4)Joe Quenneville brushes his moustache before an interview and out falls the puck from Game 4, ("Chrissy Pronger is a meanie")one of Patrick Kane's mouthguards ("He likes them kept warm, like his pre-nap glass of milk")and 4 of Duncan Keith's missing teeth ("I figured he didn't need them on account of he's getting a fresh set of dentures, so I'm making them into a necklace for the wife.")
5)Patrick Kane grabbing fistfulls of specially-minted 20-cent coins and flinging them into the air squeeling "KEEP THE CHANGE, EVERYBODY CAN JUST KEEP THE CHANGE!!"
6)Duncan Teeth, er I mean, Keith's emotional speech in the locker room during the second intermission, "Ok guyth, it goeth like thith. I thoot the puck to Tharpie and then Tharpie patheth it to Kaner. Kaner pullth a Thidney Crothby and we all run around looking like idioths, but really we're tho money they didn't even know it".
7) Jonathan Toews shares his foolproof method for telling the Sedin twins apart. "Wave Dave Bolland in front of them and wait to see which one's heads explodes. That one's Daniel." (Was Daniel)
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
How to win the 2010 Stanley Cup (or die trying)
1) Try to be named either Patrick, Brent, or any version of the name "Jonathan". Just not Mike, Chris, or Daniel. (You might as well be named "Roberto")
2)Make sure your top defenceman sacrifices at least 7 teeth, but preferably more than 10. If he doesn't take a puck to the face, then obviously he isn't trying hard enough.
3)Always make sure your goalie gives up rebounds - it's an opportunity to learn from someone else's mistakes, plus it sounds neat when all 22,000 fans suck in a breath at the same time.
4)Pretend you don't give a rat's ass when asked about your 2 previous back to back playoff failures. It validates your self-esteem but also keeps the young'uns from getting nervous.
5)Take a lot of penalties, preferably undisciplined ones like cross-checking and slashing - If your team can't score on the power play, you shouldn't be there anyways, so you might as well just save yourselves the trouble and go home.
6)Grow a Mullet - it cushions the fall when you're steamrolled by guys named Mike Richards or Scott Hartnell. Also, the chicks love it.
7) If you're gonna grow a playoff beard, try to at least strive for an actual style - preferably a fictional superhero like Wolverine or Chuck Norris. As the saying goes. "Failing to plan is planning to fail".
8)
2)Make sure your top defenceman sacrifices at least 7 teeth, but preferably more than 10. If he doesn't take a puck to the face, then obviously he isn't trying hard enough.
3)Always make sure your goalie gives up rebounds - it's an opportunity to learn from someone else's mistakes, plus it sounds neat when all 22,000 fans suck in a breath at the same time.
4)Pretend you don't give a rat's ass when asked about your 2 previous back to back playoff failures. It validates your self-esteem but also keeps the young'uns from getting nervous.
5)Take a lot of penalties, preferably undisciplined ones like cross-checking and slashing - If your team can't score on the power play, you shouldn't be there anyways, so you might as well just save yourselves the trouble and go home.
6)Grow a Mullet - it cushions the fall when you're steamrolled by guys named Mike Richards or Scott Hartnell. Also, the chicks love it.
7) If you're gonna grow a playoff beard, try to at least strive for an actual style - preferably a fictional superhero like Wolverine or Chuck Norris. As the saying goes. "Failing to plan is planning to fail".
8)
1 Goal
It's a moment that can't be manufactured, a memory that will never fade, and a feeling that won't ever be topped. It wouldn't be traded for anything on earth by the men who have experienced it, and in fact you would be hard pressed to find anything in this world they wouldn't give to achieve it.
The Cup finals are about winning battles. It's a toss up to determine which battles are harder - the challenges on the ice, or the struggles off of it. The physical and emotional consequences of a long post-season are easy to see.
Sacrifice means giving up something good for something better. Blood, sweat, tears, and ego are all offered up to the hockey gods for the chance to hoist the most pristigious award in all of sports. They say you never forget your first win. I hope the feeling the Blackhawks have at this moment will stay with them forever, and that they never take for granted what so many great players could not achieve.
Along the road to victory are obstacles that without perseverence, dedication and passion seem impossible to overcome. It doesn't matter if you go over, around, under or through these roadblocks, to make it through with grace and optimism is a rare feat.
In a tournament where heart and drive create goals and victories, the ability to show up for every shift and max out on effort will pay off when it matters most. Just ask Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, and Marian Hossa. Without their astonishing commitment to excellence the 'Hawks would have gone down in history as the greatest Blackhawks team to never win a Stanley Cup. It's widely understood that this team will not have the same roster next year. This was their chance, their golden opportunity to make all their dreams come true. And wow, did they ever.
Welcome back, Chicago.
The Cup finals are about winning battles. It's a toss up to determine which battles are harder - the challenges on the ice, or the struggles off of it. The physical and emotional consequences of a long post-season are easy to see.
Sacrifice means giving up something good for something better. Blood, sweat, tears, and ego are all offered up to the hockey gods for the chance to hoist the most pristigious award in all of sports. They say you never forget your first win. I hope the feeling the Blackhawks have at this moment will stay with them forever, and that they never take for granted what so many great players could not achieve.
Along the road to victory are obstacles that without perseverence, dedication and passion seem impossible to overcome. It doesn't matter if you go over, around, under or through these roadblocks, to make it through with grace and optimism is a rare feat.
In a tournament where heart and drive create goals and victories, the ability to show up for every shift and max out on effort will pay off when it matters most. Just ask Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, and Marian Hossa. Without their astonishing commitment to excellence the 'Hawks would have gone down in history as the greatest Blackhawks team to never win a Stanley Cup. It's widely understood that this team will not have the same roster next year. This was their chance, their golden opportunity to make all their dreams come true. And wow, did they ever.
Welcome back, Chicago.
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