1) Try to be named either Patrick, Brent, or any version of the name "Jonathan". Just not Mike, Chris, or Daniel. (You might as well be named "Roberto")
2)Make sure your top defenceman sacrifices at least 7 teeth, but preferably more than 10. If he doesn't take a puck to the face, then obviously he isn't trying hard enough.
3)Always make sure your goalie gives up rebounds - it's an opportunity to learn from someone else's mistakes, plus it sounds neat when all 22,000 fans suck in a breath at the same time.
4)Pretend you don't give a rat's ass when asked about your 2 previous back to back playoff failures. It validates your self-esteem but also keeps the young'uns from getting nervous.
5)Take a lot of penalties, preferably undisciplined ones like cross-checking and slashing - If your team can't score on the power play, you shouldn't be there anyways, so you might as well just save yourselves the trouble and go home.
6)Grow a Mullet - it cushions the fall when you're steamrolled by guys named Mike Richards or Scott Hartnell. Also, the chicks love it.
7) If you're gonna grow a playoff beard, try to at least strive for an actual style - preferably a fictional superhero like Wolverine or Chuck Norris. As the saying goes. "Failing to plan is planning to fail".
8)
No comments:
Post a Comment